


Fears x and x Tears

by HanaKaicho



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 00:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11498040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanaKaicho/pseuds/HanaKaicho
Summary: Leorio had been calling a lot lately, several times a day actually. He left voicemail after voicemail for Kurapika. Kurapika hadn’t listened to any of the ones from this week yet.Kurapika laid down to listen to the voicemails.The automated voice read the timestamp and played the first message.“Kurapika, where are you, man? Answer the phone. Or call me back. It doesn’t matter which but this is really important.”





	Fears x and x Tears

**Author's Note:**

> So this angsty fic was inspired by the patron deity of leopika art, saltbay on tumblr, this post specifically: http://saltbay.tumblr.com/post/125310482565/voicemail
> 
> It's set during the Election arc when everyone thinks Gon is dying and Leorio is desparately trying to get in touch with Kurapika. I wish I could have offered more comfort as my style usually involves but I just couldn't wring it out of this one so...there's just lots of crying.
> 
> I'm so sorry. I'll make them feel better in the next fic I write about them, I promise.

Leorio had been calling a lot lately, several times a day actually. He left voicemail after voicemail for Kurapika. Kurapika hadn’t listened to any of the ones from this week yet. He usually listened to them at the end of the day but he’d been especially busy the past several days and hadn’t had the time.

Kurapika got back to his room and laid down to listen to the voicemails.

The automated voice read the timestamp and played the first message.

“ _Kurapika, where are you, man? Answer the phone. Or call me back. It doesn’t matter which but this is really important._ ”

Kurapika deleted and moved through several of the same type of message before getting to one that finally offered some more information.

“ _Seriously, man, this is really important! We need you here in Swaldani City. Please at least call me back. It’s about Gon. Something bad happened and...anyway, call me back._ ”

Kurapika’s brow furrowed. Something was wrong with Gon? What was he supposed to do about it? He couldn’t see how his presence could really help. There were still more messages to come, maybe one of them would explain.

“ _Gon’s in really bad shape here man. He did that Nen thing you did to make your ability so strong...condition and contract or something? Anyway, they’re doing what they can but he looks awful,_ ” Leorio started to sound like he was choking up. He paused and cleared his throat before continuing. “ _Listen, buddy, you should really get here. We’re all trying to talk to him to see if he might come around. Nothing so far but...just come, man, please._ ”

The next couple of messages had Leorio yelling at Kurapika. Getting on his case for not answering the phone, what could he possibly be doing _all the time_?, he should be decent enough to at least let Leorio know he was getting the calls, it went on for a while. He saved those messages.

The next message started the same as the two before it but Leorio suddenly stopped yelling and Kurapika heard a huff like Leorio had sat down suddenly. There was a long pause before Leorio started talking again.

“ _Kurapika, I just…_ ”

Kurapika heard Leorio take a deep, unsteady breath and he sat up, as if to be more attentive to Leorio's voice in the message.

“ _I just really need you here right now, man,_ ” Leorio said, audibly starting to cry. “We _really need you. It's just… if you could see Gon right now… I don't know if he's gonna make it and there's nothing I can do. I'm just a med student, Kurapika, and Gon's…he is_ messed up _._ ”

Leorio's crying took over for a while before he sniffled a few times and tried to pull himself together.

“ _Listen, Kurapika, honestly, if nothing else, you're gonna wanna come out here and say your goodbyes, man. I don't know how much longer the kid has left._ ”

There was another long pause before Leorio said, “ _I hope you get this before it's too late. I'm… not gonna leave any more messages but just_ please _…_ please _come._ ”

It took a couple of times of the automated voice reading the actions Kurapika could take with the message before he managed to select to save it. It was the last message like Leorio had said it would be. The phone automatically disconnected and Kurapika let it slip through his fingers and drop onto the bed.

He felt sick and disconnected from his body. Despite his efforts to keep the three of them safe by keeping them away from him and what he was doing, he was losing everyone again. Before he was aware that he had even leaned forward, Kurapika found himself falling to his knees on the floor and clutching his head in his hands. He could feel that his eyes had gone scarlet. Tears streamed down his face and he slumped over, leaning partially against his bed.

He was going to lose his family again.

After a short while, the feeling of being alone at a time like this became unbearable so he dragged himself back up on the bed, reached for his phone, and dialed Leorio’s number. It was so late he would probably just get sent to voicemail, he really hoped he would at least. But the phone only rang twice before Leorio picked up.

“Kurapika!!” Leorio’s voice was urgent, desperate.

Furiously determined to sound in control, Kurapika cleared his throat and said, “Hello, Leorio. I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls. I’ve been very busy with work lately.”

His composure started to falter as he continued. “I listened...uh...I listened to your voicemails though. I can’t come.”

“Why in the hell not?!” Leorio was instantly shouting. “Are we not important enough to you?! Is your job really so much more important?! _You can’t take two days to come say goodbye to your dying friend?!_ ”

“I can’t...” Kurapika struggled to finish his sentence.

“Can’t what?! Huh?!” Leorio demanded.

“I can’t watch my family die again, Leorio.”

There was silence on both ends of the line for a moment.

“I can't do it. I can't come and watch part of my family die,” Kurapika answered, barely holding together the last bits of composure he had left. “I'm sorry, Leorio.”

Leorio was still silent on the other end of the line.

Kurapika quickly said, “Tell Gon and Killua I love them and I'm sorry-”

“Wait! Kurapika! Don't hang up!” Leorio implored.

Kurapika's finger hesitated over the end call button.

“Kurapika, _please_ ,” Leorio said. “Don't go yet. I've only just now gotten to hear your voice for the first time in months and…” Kurapika heard Leorio choke back a sob. “I don't…wanna be alone right now and I don't think you do either so just…don't hang up yet.”

Kurapika closed his eyes and put the phone back up to his ear.

“Kurapika?”

“...I'm here,” he said, throat tight.

Leorio started to cry on the other end of the line. “I dunno what to do, man. There's nothing I _can_ do. They called in the best Nen exorcist there is and…they just ran from the room after seeing him. He's _dying_ , man, and I can't even do anything except sit here and watch.”

“I'm sorry I'm making you do this alone, Leorio,” Kurapika said, laying down on the bed again.

“No, I understand, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I wasn't considering what you might be going through,” Leorio said apologetically, pulling himself together somewhat. “I just really wish you were here.”

“I don't know what I did wrong,” Kurapika said, his voice low. “Senritsu pointed out that my mission was dangerous and that what happened in Yorkshin put you guys at risk so I tried to keep you out of it, I tried to keep you safe, I didn't want to lose you guys and-!”

Kurapika started to cry as he said, “And I'm losing you anyway!”

Leorio must have been feeling just as scared and hopeless as Kurapika felt because Kurapika heard Leorio start crying again along with him.

“ _I can't lose everyone again, Leorio_ ,” Kurapika sobbed. “ _Not_ **_again_ **.”

The conversation lulled for a while as the two of them mourned their friend who, though not yet dead, surely would be soon.

Finally, Kurapika whispered, “Leorio?”

“Yeah?”

“I wish…we were together. I know I always complain about you hugging me but when you hold me, things feel okay. I don't express my appreciation enough and…I love you.”

“I wish it didn't take someone dying to get you to admit that,” Leorio said, trying to laugh and brighten the mood.

“Leorio…”

Leorio sighed. “I know, it wasn't funny. I'm sorry.”

Kurapika sniffed sharply and wiped his eyes of tears. “I'm going to head to bed, Leorio. You should too. It's very late. I apologize for keeping you up all this time.”

“It's fine, I'm just glad I heard from you. And I haven't been sleeping anyway so don't worry about it,” Leorio said. “Anything you want me to tell the boys for you?”

Kurapika hesitated. “You know, it's probably better they just assume I never got in touch so no, it's fine, you don't need to tell them anything.”

“Kurapika…are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“...Okay, I got it.”

Kurapika took a breath and said, “Good night, Leorio.”

“Yeah, good night,” Leorio answered.

Kurapika hung up and laid his phone down. He was able to lay silently for a moment but when he got up in the morning, the faces of the guards who had been posted outside his room obviously showed they had heard him crying himself to sleep. They didn't comment on the residual puffiness of his eyes and they didn't ask what had driven him to cry for most of the previous night but they noticed, he could tell.

**Author's Note:**

> So did y'all cry? I cried. This fic was rough but I still enjoyed it. Anyway, please let me know what you think! Constructive feedback is always welcome and so is, like, keyboard smash and, "I'M CRYING AND I HATE YOU" so just, like, lay it on me, friends <3
> 
> Also please feel free to say hi on tumblr where I'm patch-of-shore! I've also got a link to my ko-fi there if you want to show your appreciation in a different way :3


End file.
